And listen like an AA meeting
In an AA meeting, one person talks at a time. You only talk about yourself. You only tell your story. And you don't remark on what anyone else has said
When someone else talks, the only thing you do is listen. And then when they're done talking, you can thank them if you want to
It isn't a conversation. It's a series of monologues which are not designed to interlock
Strictly speaking, life is also not a conversation. What I can do, sometimes, is say my piece. What I can do, at other times, is to listen to someone else say what they have to say about their piece of life, from their perspective
And strictly speaking, there is nothing I can say to you after you speak besides: thank you for sharing
In life, I am not your counsellor or superior—you are not mine. I do not have anything to say to what you have experienced. I have nothing to add. What I have lived is not useful to you unless you are listening to me—and the time for that is when I am sharing my experience about me—not when you are sharing your experience with me. When you are sharing your experience with me, all I can do is listen
Treat a conversation like this: Listen when the other person is speaking. Yes, there may be conversational incidents where you respond to the person verbally, but notice that all you really can do when someone is talking—is listen. Notice how your experience is not relevant to what they are saying. Notice how sharing your experience right then is not helpful
Instead, when listening, notice the relevance of the person's story to you—that is something you can do while listening. To hear someone's story and think how much better their life could be, is merely to pity. To hear someone's story and think how much better your life could be, is to experience the profound
When you speak, allow others to take the chance to listen to you—without comment, without sharing anything of their own. How often does it happen this way? How much better would it be if it happened all the time?