Had a feeling while I was researching this morning—that it was time to stop for the day
I didn't stop, though, and something happened to me that I didn't expect
The weight of Ramirez' killings caught up with me
It made me uncomfortable
It made me sad
Of course I knew he killed 13 people and I know he did some truly awful things to them beforehand, so what happened today wasn't essentially due to new information, but rather due to me spending a certain number of hours with the same information
This was an unpleasant shift—but I'm glad it happened
I'm forced to spend time thinking not only about the shockingly democratic nature of Ramirez' crimes but also the flat empty spaces he so senselessly left—spaces that are never filled
The main effect this human being visited upon our world was a massive wasting of human life—that's the end result of his experimentation and curiosity—this futility of his actions must be present throughout my book